theLoveCafe@Cal

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A Question From a Love Café List Subscriber. And Answers From Subscribers and Baristas!

I just got to Berkeley and already might get into a relationship. I just ended a 2-year relationship with my high school partner and I don’t know what to do.  I enjoy the freedom of college life and being able to meet many new people.  I feel like I should stay single for a while but I have mixed feelings about my potential partner, what should I do?

Having “mixed” feelings could be an answer in itself; if you were head over heels in love, you wouldn’t ask the Love Cafe what to do! As for the recency of your previous relationship, my experience is that rushing into a new relationship is not a good way to move on from the previous one. If you are hesitating, just hang out for a while and take it easy. With time, when you are ready for a new relationship and if you still enjoy being together and feelings become stronger, then you can take it to the next level. 
—Aggie

 

Honey,
It’s normal to want to enjoy the freedom of college life, and Mama Luv completely advocates that! If you’re already having second thoughts about your potential partner, it may be best to stay out of a relationship right now. Remember, you only have a few years in college. It probably would not be wise to get into a relationship and then realize that you’d rather be unattached. Mama Luv would suggest making it clear to your potential partner about how you feel so you two can work out a solution. Maybe the best solution would be to stay friends, or perhaps, if both of you are comfortable, you two can casually date or have an open relationship! Just don’t get too serious too early. It’s only been a few months, and there are plenty of people you haven’t met! Enjoy your time here. And don’t forget to keep your chin up, strut with confidence, and shake what your Mama gave ya! Mama Luv is here to help.
Love,
Mama Luv

 

It’s completely understandable that you want to go back to the stability and comfort of a relationship and always having someone there. But keep in mind that you did just end a 2-year relationship with someone; that’s pretty long-term. Don’t take this the wrong way, but you wanna make sure that this new guy isn’t just a rebound. My advice: stay single. At least for a little bit, so you can do you. You spent 2 years being “X’s girlfriend” it’s time for you to start being “you.” College is the time for you to learn about yourself. So go ahead and join some clubs, rush for a sorority, just get out there and have fun. And in a city like Berkeley, you’re bound to run into some activity that sparks your interest.
As for the potential new partner, let him know what’s going on in your head. If he really likes you and cares about you, he’ll respect your wishes. Good luck! :)

jochangg@tumblr.com:

 

If you are having mixed feelings about a potential partner, it is probably better not to jump into anything right away, especially fresh out of a long term relationship. Since you are new to Berkeley, it is important to take the time to adjust to everything around you, make new friends and find out more about yourself before getting involved with someone new. In the meantime, ask yourself why you have mixed feelings about this person. Is it past relationships, personality, unusual habits, etc.? Try just being friends until you know for sure they are or are not the right person for you. Remember, there is no need to feel pressure or rush into anything!

—Cal Barista Janet

Notes

  1. thelovecafe posted this
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